Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!


What am I doing here? What is this place? Who are you?

Whoa, slow down there. Cool your jets. Take a chill pill. Which one would you like me to answer first?

Uh... The last one, I guess?

Ugh... Read the damn Bio at the bottom. What are you, new to the internet?

Hey, there's no need to be so hostile!

That wasn't a question, dumbass! This is an FAQ. You ask, I answer.

All right, all right. Perhaps we should both just calm dow-

NO! You've wasted enough of my time already! Either ask the next god damn question or get the fuck out!

*Sigh* Fine. I guess I'm repeating myself, but what is this place?

A. You're repeating yourself all right. But fine, I'll let it slide.
I guess the TL;DR version would be that this is my personal site, a reflection of my interests, an ongoing effort to learn some basic front-end web development and, frankly, just something I enjoy doing.

What's a TL;DR?

You're starting to piss me off. Here. First result. And read quickly, I don't have all day.

You know, you're a terrible host! All I was asking for was some basic information and all you've given me is grief! Why can't you be nice?

Oh for the love of... Look, I don't have time for this, OK? If you used your brain just a little bit I wouldn't even have to have this FAQ up! It's lazy bastards like you that I have to deal with every day who are turning my hair grey!

What the fuck are you talking about?! On the bottom of your site it says: "For more info, read the site's FAQ." I came here and I'm trying to figure some stuff out and yet all you are doing is being an asshole and not really providing any actual answers!

OK. Fine. I'll concede that maybe I should have been more clear about some stuff up front. On the home page, even. However — again — you appear to be paying no attention whatsoever. You said it yourself just now - the text reads: "For more info, read the site's FAQ." More info. That specifically means that most (if not all) the necessary information is probably already available on the main sections of this site. So what are you babbling about? Are you incompetent or something? Do you want me to hold your wittle hand and guide you awound like a wittle baby?

Hey! I will have you know that my hands are perfectly normal-sized! You can ask my doctor!

Why are you being so defensive?

Wha-... I... I don't know...

That comment about your hands... It got you pretty riled up there, buddy. Why is that?

It's just that... my friends at school, they... they were always teasing me about my tiny hands, you know... and my mom and dad... they said that if I ate my vegetables and drank my milk I would grow big and strong and... and I did, I ate all the broccoli and spinach and brussels sprouts... and I drank my milk, the whole glass, every time... I did everything I was told to do, and for what?! My hands never grew. They. Never. Grew.

I see, I see... And how does that make you feel?

I guess I just thought tha-... Waaait, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

Ha! I utilized my superior intellect in order to lull you into a false sense of security which I ultimately exploited and cleverly leveraged in a successful persuasion attempt which you carelessly fell for, causing you to divulge your deepest insecurities which I am now able to weaponize against you. I admit, it was a high stakes game. But it worked so flawlessly that I don't even care this paragraph probably isn't grammatically sound.

You... You're a monster...

Oh stop. You're making me blush.

That's it! You are a horrible, twisted little man and I hope I never cross paths with you again!

All in a day's work, buddy. Buh-bye!

My name is Tomaž.Tolkien and 40k lore aficionado, TV show connoisseur, Apple enthusiast, and fixer of computers. Referenced1 in several2 doctoral theses. Friendly unless provoked.
1Mentioned in dedication2Two
Also, I'm Batman.
Nice try. I'm untraceable, bitch!
For more info, read the site's
FAQ and disclosure.
The true nature of my glorious essence
cannot be so easily distilled.

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