Samuel

Attention,

I represent an investor seeking` to invest in any lucrative investment in your country, If you have a solid background and idea of making good profit in real estate or in any other business, Please write me for possible business co-operation.

Regards,
Barr.Samuel Ohene.

Dear Samuel,

I'm always up for co-ops, business or otherwise. Let me know what your client had in mind.

I yearn for your reply.

Best regards,
Henry

Dear Henry,

This is to confirm the receipt of your email as regards to my potential offer that required a person with wealth of experience and connections in the economic world and leverages.

My client is looking for someone that will manage and invest the sum of US$116,000,000.00 on a long term of 10 years and above with Return on Investment from 15% and above. In addition, you will retain 40% Net Profit from the amount invested as your benefits.

I would like you to detail us your area of specialization and how you intend to invest the aforementioned funds if given the opportunity to do so and what is your expected Return on Investment? (ROI) Your detailed explanation will enable us to access your qualification and competency to handle the US$116,000,000.00 if released to you before we can proceed.

Also we will need the following details to make sure that you are capable to handle the investment.

1] Introduction and description of yourself/company.
2] Your full name, your office address
3] Your direct contact phone numbers for easy communication.

I am sorry if I sound so strict, but as you can see this is a transaction that should be done with an honest, capable and mature person.

More details will be made available to you upon receipt of your comprehensive response on the above subject matter.

Best Regards,
Barr.Samuel Ohene.

Please reply through this my personal email.

Samuel,

thank you for your expeditious reply.

Your client seems like a very ambitious person. Yearly ROI of 15% and above is no easy task. Unfortunately, nothing I am currently professionally involved with could guarantee such returns.

But fret not! I have a solution.

You see, due to the nature of my work being highly mentally draining, I have come in... intimate contact with some businessmen and women over the years who specialize in... shall we say, "stress relief". While many in our repressive conservative society frown upon their noble profession, I find the scorn misplaced. Few activities one can partake in offer the same degree of physical exercise with such pleasureful relief as the valuable services these brave, erm... demimondes perform.

But enough about that. You are a businessman, I am a businessman, enough of this moral posturing! Let us get down to brass tacks and eschew ethical consideration. We are here to make money, god damn it, not save the world!

As I was saying, as much as I enjoy being a client, the business side of this particular industry intrigues me even more. I have long thought of joining their ranks as... shall we say, souteneur... if for no other reason than for their impeccable fashion sense. Unfortunately, talking to a particularly forthcoming gentlemen who has clearly been in this business for a long time - as I surmised from his pink hat adorned with peacock feathers, a thick fluffy fur coat, and white platform boots - I have discovered, much to my chagrin, that it is, in fact, not easy.

Because the upfront costs of entering such business can be high, I was immediately intrigued by your monetary offer. However, the number you quoted was so large I decided to think more broadly. I believe some sort of consortium consolidating all souteneur operating in a particular area under a unified management structure would be not only more profitable for everyone involved but would also provide other ancillary benefits, such as reduced costs in legal consultation fees, reduced competition, and a peaceful dispute resolution framework.

Having painted this rosy picture, It would be remiss of me not to also outline some difficulties. The biggest hurdle standing in our way is - in my estimation - the highly prideful entrepreneurial spirit of the souteneur. There are several ways to deal with this. One could, for example, construct an appealing incentive structure (favorable split in profits in exchange for... protection, for example) which could over time intrigue them to join our business consortium, nay family, yada yada. It would work over the long haul, sure, but I see no sense in wasting precious time.

The solution to this conundrum I propose is very simple, if not elegant. I would apportion a small subset of your client's investment toward hiring a few dozen freakishly tall, imposing looking individuals with eyebrow-raising credentials and murky expressions on their faces. I would task them with "negotiating" with the souteneur by... making them an offer they couldn't refuse.

As of this time I cannot provide you with exact numbers in terms of ROI until more specifics are hammered out. That being said, I must confess something: my idea is not entirely novel. A similar concept has been proposed and implemented with staggering success starting around the 1930s. It has been said that at the peak of their prominence, the enterprise responsible for the execution of this concept was, to quote a very famous film, "bigger than US Steel".

This email turned out very long, but the above is essentially my pitch. Think on it, sleep on it, pray on it. In the meantime, I am providing you with the requested details below:

1] Introduction and description of yourself/company: I work in the local public school as a janitor.
2] Your full name, your office address: Henry Thomas Weston. I do not have an office.
3] Your direct contact phone numbers for easy communication: I cannot afford a phone.

Lastly, there is no need for you to apologize for your strictness. One does not get to consult clients with hundreds of millions of dollars to throw around by being lenient. Your iron fisted tone was how I knew that you were a serious person.

I eagerly await your reply.

Best regards,
Henry

ATTENTION,

I WRITE TO REMIND YOU ABOUT MY BELOW MAIL TO YOU CONCERNING MY PROPOSED INVESTMENT IN YOUR COUNTRY,PLEASE IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO MOVE FORWARD WITH THE INVESTMENT LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY BY RETURN MAIL.

THANKS,
Samuel

Samuel,

I find your last email incredibly rude.

I have been nothing but courteous throughout our entire exchange and it pains me greatly that you would see the need to shout at me.

Have I ever acted so much as impatient toward you, let alone abrasive? I have not. Have I ever referred to you as a despicable underhanded swindler praying upon the insufficiently educated Internet users? I have not. Have I ever suggested that your mother might be struggling with obesity to such a degree as to be obligated to pay taxes in three different localities? I have not! I therefore see no compelling reason to be talked to in such a manner and request, nay demand my courteousness be reciprocated.

Having said my peace, let us move forward.

I did, in fact, already reply to your second email. Did you not receive it? If so, please write back to me - this time with a significantly calmer tone, lest our business be concluded - and I shall send it afresh.

Best regards,
Henry

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