Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
From: Rose Adams
To: Steve
Subject: Compliment of the season my beloved friend
Hello Dear,
it's been a long time. I have not forgotten you, remember when i told you i left you $300,000.00 us dollars? the money was kept in the bank because you were unable to receive it and i have been very busy all this while, i have been traveling from place to place. The bank contacted me about the unclaimed funds but since i have already kept it for you, i think it would be nice if you received the money finally, so i informed the bank and told them to credit the total money of $300,000.00 us dollars into a prepaid card and send it to you through courier.
Now is the right time for you to claim and receive your money, please contact the bank with their email and ask them to send your money to you. this is the bank's contact email address (ubadirector_officesn@aol.com) and with their phone contact at ( 221)70 46 241 42, you can contact them immediately for confirmation, they will not demand any money from you because every bank fee the bank needed has been settled. Do not send money to the bank, let me know if they request money from you, they have no right to demand money from you for any reason, do you understand? contact them and tell them you need your compensation money left for you by (Rose Adams) make sure you include this reference number (A8065B400) in your email to them so that they can easily verify you.
From: Steve
To: Rose Adams
Subject: RE:Compliment of the season my beloved friend
Dear Rose,
"To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste."
- Deuteronomy 32:35
Lest I be accused of distorting this pronouncement oft quoted, allow me to alleviate your apprehension. I am heedful of the fact that this verse is not as it appears to a layman's eye absent proper context. I am fully aware that it does not, in fact, place in the hands of man the franchise of retribution but rather imbues The Almighty himself with the sole authority to engage in such enterprise.
But make no mistake, miss Rose. Though I may not embody this dubious source of the so-called Holy Book's divine inspiration, you would do well to remember that I share many of his proclivities, namely his boundless thirst for avengement properly sated and his amplitude for grievance not easily forgotten.
Now, desiring to avoid my meaning being lost on a dullard such as yourself, I shall reiterate in plainer prose: I am the God in this here metaphor, miss Rose. And:
"I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them."
- Ezekiel 25:17
Before we get to that, however, and unfamiliar as I am with the extent of your knowledge of my previous correspondence between yours truly and the handlers of your pitiful fortune, and reluctant though I am to admit it, I find myself in a bit of a predicament. A lot has transpired since my last discourse with Mrs. Allison. I shall go into greater detail in further correspondence should this prove necessary. Suffice it to say - for now - that I am, as Americans would say, strapped for cash.
Therefore, before I rain down my wrath upon you, I am forced to begrudgingly accept your offer. I shall contact your bank, as instructed.
Best regards,
Steve
From: Steve
To: Ms. Rose Adams' bank
Subject: The money, please
Dear Ms. Rose Adams' bank,
forgive me for addressing you in this peculiar way. I had no choice in the matter, for the person who suggested I contact you, Ms. Rose - the very minor bane of my existence, the benign but aesthetically unpleasing tumor on my back, the Mithridates VI of Pontus to my Roman Republic - has given me your address and instructions to contact you, "the bank".
I was told to include the following reference number in my email for which I am assured you will know what it means: A8065B400. I deduce it must be some sort of code or a subliminal activation sequence, but I shall leave that to you good people to decipher.
So… where do we go from here?
Yours truly,
Steve
From: U.B.A DIRECTOR OFFICE
To: Steve
Subject: Welcome to U.B.A Bank For Africa
Dear valued customer,
Your Reference number has been validated and we wish to inform you that your total fund has been credited into a prepaid visa card and is ready to be sent to you. please, kindly provide us with the following information
Full Name ..................
Current address ..................
Phone numbers ...................
Country Name ...................
we will get back to you as soon as we receive your information.
if you have any question, contact us here.....
Thank you
U.B.A DIRECTOR OFFICE
ubadirector_officesn@aol.com
From: Steve
To: U.B.A DIRECTOR OFFICE
Subject: RE:Welcome to U.B.A Bank For Africa
Dear U.B.A DIRECTOR OFFICE,
thank you for getting back to me so quickly. I apologize in advance should my future responses fail to be quite as timely, however I am presently embroiled in a very nasty civil war so other matters take precedence.
Please find the information you desired below.
Full Name: Stephen Charles Alexander
Current address: 1604 Oceanside Lane, Houston, TX 77010
Phone numbers: I do not own a phone. They are very bad for your liver.
Country Name: United States of Amurrica
I cannot think of any questions at the moment.
Best regards,
Steve
The saga continues in this thread.→