Agnes

Last updated: May 1st, 2020 06:14 pm

Note: The emphasized text and the “MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt” warning in the initiating message were part of the original email. Yes, really.

From: Mrs. Agnes Hillary
To: Friedrich
Subject: My Good Wish..


My Dear Beloved,

It is so unfortunate and disappointing to me that, I have not yet received any response from you, since I sent the first message to you, But I Still pray that God bless you and your family, as you will benefit from this with if you can reply quickly.

I am Mrs. Agnes Hilary from London United Kingdom, born in the state of Ohio USA. I am legally married to Mr. Hilary Felix, a British citizen born and brought up in USA, I live in Switzerland with my husband for 32 years before we move down to U.K in 1985 after my husband’s retirement in 1984. I am 75 years old by the grace of God, I am a God fearing person, and I am suffering from long time (illness) cancer of the bone (leukemia). This illness has troubled me for a long time. All indications from my doctor and medical analysis is that, my condition is really deteriorating and getting worse; and it is quite obvious that I will not live more than three OR Four months, although it is God who decides. This is because the cancer disease has gotten to a very bad stage that there is no hope for me to be living again. My dear husband was involved with the January 2000 Kenya airways plane crashed as you can see on the news line website. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6627485.stm)

40 years period of my marriage life, still we could not produce any child, my late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited some part of his business and money in the bank. Today I have decided to donate and contribute to you, your Country and to the less privileges, charity homes, and orphanage homes and to those displaced by wars going on in the middle-east and around the world.

I choose you after viewing your profile (information) and I have the confident in you because I have prayed and believed God that you can handle this process goodly. I am willing to donate the sum of GBP£12.5, million British pounds, to the less privileged of which you will be responsible in taking care of the disbursement and sharing of this money to organizations that I will appoint. Meanwhile, you will also get 30% of the above amount which will be; Three million, seven hundred and fifty thousand Great British Pounds (£3,750,000GBP) as your compensation for helping me fulfill this desire of donation.

Please I want you to know that this fund is still in the bank where my late husband deposited it, I am going to advice my BANKER/Lawyer to change my last will to your name and file in an application for the transfer of the money in your name. Lastly, I honestly pray that this money when transferred to your account will be used for this purpose whether I am Dead then or Alive, Please bear it in mind that all the money will rightfully be changed to your names and will belong to your names as quickly as I get your reply, and I made the promise to God that the fund will be used to help the needy and the less privilege. Please reply QUICKLY.

May the Grace and Love of our GOD Almighty be with you and your family, please for further discussion, reply to me with my email address (MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from “gmail.com” claiming to be agnehilary@yahoo.com).

Please Call Me As Quickly As You Receive This Message (+44-79-1624-5456)

I wait for your urgent reply.

Remain blessed
Mrs. Agnes Hilary.

From: Friedrich
To: Mrs. Agnes Hillary
Subject: RE:My Good Wish..


Mrs. Hilary,

I am overjoyed to have received your message, peace be on you and the mercy and blessings of Allah. I apologize to have taken so long to respond. Furthermore, I am deeply saddened to hear of your late husband’s passing. Verily, he was taken from us all too hastily. May you find solace in the knowledge that surely, we belong to Allah and to Him we return.

As you say time is of the essence. Therefore, let us now turn to more immediate matters. Forgive me, for I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Wretched is the disease which seeks to rob humanity of the life already dispossessed of length of which we are surely deserving. May we seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the accursed.

Allow me to express my deepest gratitude for your selfless deeds. To offer your wealth to those less fortunate, such as myself… I stand unaware of words exquisite enough to allegorize the kindness flourishing in your heart. May Allah bless your family and wealth.

Moreover, I am pleased to hear that, to quote from your virtual letter: “all the money will rightfully be changed to your names and will belong to your names”. For a moment I feared that you wish to rightfully change all the money to but one of my names. Doubtlessly, this would present a major issue as my parents, as Allah willed, bestowed upon me more than one name. I am delighted that such issues can, therefore, be avoided.

I pray we speak soon and speedily ratify the arrangement you have outlined. Nothing would make me happier than to disburse the money between the Swiss bank accounts of those less fortunate souls you so magnanimously wish for me to take care of.

Lastly, I must apologize as I shall be unable to fulfill the last expressed wish from your message, that I should: “reply to me with my email address”. I am not very good with these Internet machines and am therefore forced to reply with my email address. I was unable to gain access to your Inbox, despite hours of fruitless effort.

May Allah be merciful to you.

With best regards,
Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben

From: Mrs. Agnes Hillary
To: Friedrich
Subject: RE:My Good Wish..


Dear Beloved One:

I thank you for your email reply today and I thank you again for your urgent reply, please consider my request as a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility. I am giving you my trust and wish for which I believe that you will give me back the trust I have given to you. I believe that you will be Honest to fulfill my final wish before I will die.

Please I will like you to contact my banker with his contact Email information below to carry out the transfer process. I have told him about you, just write to him or call him and give him your name and ask him to proceed with the transfer process as instructed by Mrs. Agnes Hilary. Although I Have also told him to contact you from his side.

This is my banker contact details below, NATWEST BANK OF UK. Contact Him immediately for more information on how to move the fund quickly to your country.

Please do contact the banker with the TWO email contact addresses below:

Bank Name: National Westminster Bank plc, London. ( NATWEST BANK U.K )
Contact Person: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu,
Director, Foreign Operations & Int’l. Remittance Dept.
Tel: +44 77 00 309 274. Extension: 13401
Email: natwestoliverplcin@accountant.com
Email: natwestoliverjerrome@gmail.com

I want us to process the release of the fund to enable you start the good work of God, I am desperately in keen need of your assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you for this task, please do not fail me and the other millions of the poor people in the WORLD. This is not stolen money and there is no dangers involved, It is RISK FREE with full legal proof. I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality and trust in this matter to accomplish my heart desire, as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my last wish and that of MY LATE HUSBAND.

Thanks and Remain blessed as I wait to hear from you soonest once you have contact the banker with the above contact email addresses.

Yours Sincere friend
Mrs. Agnes Hillary.

From: Friedrich
To: Mrs. Agnes Hillary
Subject: RE:My Good Wish..


Dear Mrs. Hillary,

it brings me great joy to find you still amongst us. The urgency entwined within your inaugural message hastened my reply, yet fear remained that the eleventh hour had already passed. I am glad to find this was not so. Glory to Allah!

Notwithstanding, I am afraid I must confess my enthusiasm was significantly dampened when my eyes seized upon your words.

Why must we play these games, Agnes? Recalling your initial epistle and the kind and loving nature woven through the words therein I stood convinced that we had a special connection – nay, that Allah himself had set us on a path upon which we shall meet. Naught but great sorrow and torment now remain in heart that once was filled with joy. That you would seek to involve a filthy banker in our liaison? That I cannot fathom.

Alas. Destitute as I am, suppressing pride is a skill with which I am well acquainted. As per your instruction, I shall establish a rapport with this banker.

May safety be your companion.

With warm regards,
Friedrich

From: Mrs. Agnes Hillary
To: Friedrich
Subject: RE:My Good Wish..


Please do contact the banker with the TWO email contact addresses below:

Bank Name: National Westminster Bank plc, London. ( NATWEST BANK U.K )
Contact Person: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu,
Director, Foreign Operations & Int’l. Remittance Dept.
Tel: +44 77 00 309 274. Extension: 13401
Email: natwestoliverplcin@accountant.com
Email: natwestoliverjerrome@gmail.com

Yours Sincere friend
Mrs. Agnes Hillary.

From: Friedrich
To: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
Subject: Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


Mr. Abreu,

I was referred to you by Mrs. Agnes Hillary. She assured me that you have already been informed that I shall be contacting you and therefore already know what this is in reference to. Should this prove not to be the case (something I would not be surprised by) I shall elaborate in subsequent emails.

Before we proceed, however, let me make something absolutely clear: I do not like you.

You bankers are all the same. Filthy, degenerate, ignominious reprobates, pointlessly worshiping at the alter of cold, lifeless cash. Bloated, greasy, sickly beasts ensconced in your ivory towers, eagerly extending your grabby, slimy little paws towards anyone foolish enough to make a deposit into your putrid, decaying institution, your desperation rivaled only by that of a crack whore. Ghoulish creatures, driven only by greed, seeking nothing but further aimless enrichment, thereby relegated to incestuous inbreeding and eagerly instructing the devil’s spawn you call your children to follow in your nasty footsteps. Your only calling in life is to further dispossess the have-nots, oblivious to the suffering and havoc your abominable actions wreak. Comparing you to a swarm of locusts would be quite apropos – disgusting, sniveling little creatures descending upon the fields of indigent peasantry, ravaging, extirpating, pillaging, and gorging upon the proverbial blood, sweat, and tears of the poor farmers who worked themselves to the bone to maintain their fields only to see all that hard work undone in a matter of hours. And what for? To drown yourselves in futile, soulless materialism like a putrid swine in its own shit? You disgust me.

But know this. The time of reckoning grows ever nearer. You would do well to remember that every swine is eventually due for a slaughter.

Anyway, please instruct me on how to proceed with Mrs. Hillary’s matter.

With deepest hatred,
Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben

From: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
To: Friedrich
Subject: RE:Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


National Westminster Bank plc, London.
NatWest Bank Plc London (U.k)
135 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 3UR
International Remittance Dep’t,
London (U.k).
Tel: +44 77 00 309 274.

Date: 16/04/2020

Attn: Dear: Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben

We the NatWest Bank Plc Of London (U.K) We received an instruction to contact you From Mrs. Agnes Hilary and we   have examine the request of Mrs. Agnes Hilary   to transfer the total sum amount of GBP£12.500,000.00, to any of your given account , we the NatWest Bank Plc have   scrutinize the account depositor   by our good client   Mr. Hilary Alex a British Citizen being   the Late spouse to Mrs. Agnes Hilary , we confirmed that the fund is a legitimate fund, and has been approve for immediate transfer to any of your given account with the amount of GBP£12.5Million British Pounds are clean and clear funds.

We’re satisfied to accept your application for wire transfer. In consideration of the fact that the funds were deposited by the deceased in our Bank, it’s very important we receive a change of ownership document in your favor issued by our British high court prior to commencement of wire transfer to any of your given account as we have requested below.

Mrs. Agnes Hilary,   mandated us to coordinate with you and obtain all the transfer documentations to complete the wire transfer processes to any of your given account,   it appears that the fund was insured by a reputable British    Insurance firm company here in United Kingdom   prior,   at this juncture all   this transfer legal policy must be observed in order to avoid any retribution whatsoever. Please kindly   fill up the following    request form herein and return back along with proof of any of   your identification , such as You (Driver’s License or International Passport) Kindly do as we have requested.

Furthermore, please kindly send the below details as we have stated below, this is to help us start the transfer process to any of your given account as we have stated therein.

1. Bank name:…………………….
2. Bank address:………………………..
3. Account number:………………………..
4. Swift Code……………
5. Routine number:………………………
6. Account holder name: Mrs……Ms……Mr………..
7. Account Holder Country:…………………………
8. Your private phone number:……………………
9. Cell phone number:……………………………
10. Your Company Name:…………………………..

Lastly, if you are not comfortable to provide your account details, we have an options which we warrant you to come in person to London to open a none resident Pounds account with our Bank.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any query or require any assistance. Otherwise, Please proceed and send us the requested banking details as we have requested above in other for us to facilitate the fund transfer process immedaitely.

Yours sincerely,

Kind Regards
Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
Head of Corporate Banking Transactional Products & Services Manager.
Tel: +44 77 00 309 274

From: Friedrich
To: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
Subject: RE:Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


Dear Mr. Abreu,

this email is exactly what I would have expected from a banker.

By my count, there are no less than twenty grammatical errors present in the first paragraph alone. I stopped reading after that.

How do you sleep at night? With a failure rate like that, I refuse to believe that I am the first to point this out. Are you not ashamed of your incompetence? Come to think of it, at the bottom of your email it says you are the Head of Corporate Banking Transactional Products. Does it follow then that your underlings are less competent than you? And if so, what does that say about your entire profession?

Do thoughts like that ever weigh heavy on you? When you look at your wife, do you ever think she may be having an affair? Have you perhaps contemplated suicide?

Whatever. I am not here to psychoanalyze you (although I know that all of the above was spot on). But I am prepared to give you another chance.

Please rewrite your email in actual English. Then we shall proceed.

Regards,
Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben

From: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
To: Friedrich
Subject: RE:Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


Thank you sir, then correct me .

From: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
To: Friedrich
Subject: RE:Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


HELP ME AND REWRITE IT , I WILL APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH .

THANKS

From: Friedrich
To: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
Subject: RE:Concerning Mrs. Agnes Hillary


Dear Mr. Abreu,

I must admit, this is quite the plot twist.

While I am flattered by your request for assistance (even though it comes from a banker) things are unfortunately not so simple.

While I could fix your simplistic grammatical errors – for a fee, of course – doing so would raise other, more serious concerns. Foremost among them, I would not be comfortable providing you with a proofread text, let alone a finished product, unless it were first vetted by a lawyer.

Having said that, let me tell you something about lawyers.

If there is one creature farther removed from humanity than a banker, it would be a lawyer. Wretched, ghoulish, insipid husks devoid of spirits, frantic to conceal their absence of substance with excess of style, they giddily clad themselves in suits woven overseas by indentured slaves from threads of distilled misery. Arrogant, glutinous, repulsive vermin, slithering about in search of careless prey, unfit to in any way contribute meaningfully to our shared experience. A scourge upon mankind, instinctively mindful of their deficient nature, they sow discontent in mindless quest for fiscal remuneration, desperate to fill the void in their decaying hearts while the poor wretches whom they hauled into court wither away, dispossessed and discarded, broken men. Had the Divine Comedy been a contemporary poem, Dante and Virgil would have had to traverse a path thrice as profound to arrive at the infernal circle of sufficient depth to accommodate those pompous enough to dare refer to themselves as “legal professionals”.

In any case, if I may cooperate with your legal council, I am prepared to lend a helping hand. If not, then as stated previously, I am not comfortable correcting the text on my own.

However, I would be willing to overlook your linguistic negligence and read the rest of the email if we cannot come to an agreement regarding my grammar correction services.

Neutral regards,
Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben

From: Mr. Oliver J. Abreu
To: Friedrich


[Awaiting reply]

Disclaimer: The initial email in this chain was actually not sent to me but rather to one of my friends. Knowing my penchants for wasting spammers’ time he was gracious enough to pass the torch to me.
In one of the emails the spammer addresses my friend by his full name. That instance has been replaced by the name “Friedrich Ernst Wilhelm Gustav von Schlieben” in the correspondence so as not to ruin the immersion.