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From: Jeff

To: Chad

Subject: Attn:Dear Beneficiary,Our Ref: BOF-0XX2/987/20

Bank of America
115 W 42nd St, New York, NY 10036, USA
From Desktop of Mr. Jeff Anderson
Our Ref: BOF-0XX2/987/20

It is my modest obligation to write you this letter as regards the Authorization of your owed payment through our most respected financial institution (Bank of America). I am Mr. Jeff Anderson, TRANSFER INSPECTION OFFICER, foreign operations Department Bank of America, the British Government in Conjunction with us government, World Bank, united Nations Organization on foreign Payment matters has empowered my bank after much consultation and consideration to handle all foreign payments and release them to their appropriate beneficiaries with the help of a Representative from Federal Reserve Bank of New York.

As the newly Appointed/Accredited International Paying Bank, We have been instructed by the world governing body together with the committee on international debt reconciliation department to release your overdue funds with immediate effect; with this exclusive vide transaction no.: wha/eur/202,password: 339331, pin code: 78569, having received these vital payment numbers, you are instantly qualified to receive and confirm your payment with us within the next 96hrs.

Be informed that we have verified your payment file as directed to us and your name is next on the list of our outstanding fund beneficiaries to receive their payment. Be advised that because of too many funds beneficiaries, you are entitled to receive the sum of $14.5M,(Fourteen Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars only), as to enable us pay other eligible beneficiaries.

To facilitate with the process of this transaction, please kindly re-confirm the following information below:

1) Your Full Name:
2) Your Full Address:
3) Your Contact Telephone and Fax No:
4) Your Profession, Age and Marital Status:
5) Any Valid Form of Your Identification/Driver's License:
6) Bank Name:
7) Bank Address:
8) Account Name:
9) Account Number:
10) Swift Code:
11) Routing Number:

As soon as we receive the above mentioned information, your payment will be processed and released to you without any further delay. This notification email should be your confidential property to avoid impersonators claiming your fund. You are required to provide the above information for your transfer to take place through Bank to Bank Transfer directly from Bank of America

We Look Forward To Serving You Better.

Mr. Jeff Anderson,
Bank of America

From: Chad

To: Jeff

Subject: Re:Attn:Dear Beneficiary,Our Ref: BOF-0XX2/987/20

Dear Mr. Jeff Anderson,

I skimmed through the contents of this email for something tangible I could cling to as there are basically no sentences in this email I can understand. The following caught my eye:

[...] you are entitled to receive the sum of $14.5M [...]

I further divined you wish to send this money my way.

Before we continue, I have a question: would it be possible to receive this payment in person? There's this girl I want to impress, you see. So I would like to stage this handover in a very particular way. Like, you could print that number on one of those giant checks you see in TV shows. Then, some men in tuxedos could hand it to me as a reward for helping save the pandas from extinction or some shit. Then I'd be like: "Oh no, I can't possibly accept this much money for my amazing, selfless deeds; it must be used to save the orphans," or whatever. Then the guys who brought the check could thank me and with tears in their eyes praise my altruism and kindness.

Behind the scenes, you would then obviously transfer the money to me.

I leave the logistics of the above described theatrics to you. And depending on how well it goes with the girl, I know a couple of Benjamin Franklins who would be really happy about that, Jeff. If you catch my drift.

Talk to you soon. Best regards,
Chad Bradley

From: Jeff

To: Chad

[No reply]

My name is Tomaž.Tolkien and 40k lore aficionado, TV show connoisseur, Apple enthusiast, and fixer of computers. Referenced1 in several2 doctoral theses. Friendly unless provoked.
1Mentioned in dedication2Two
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