Tomaz.co

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Derek

From: Derek Mitch

To: Tomaž

Subject: IMPORTANT INFORMATION


Hope you get to read this important message in good health.

I have a business opportunity to urgently share with you which involves a total amount of 18,000,000.00 Million (USD). The money was left behind by a deceased customer of my bank, and I am contacting you to seek your trusted partnership in receiving these funds. If you are interested, please reply immediately for detailed information.

Best regards,
Derek.

From: Tomaž

To: Derek Mitch

Subject: Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION


Thank you very much for writing to me.

Did you say 18,000,000.00 Million Dollars?! GOOD GOD MAN, THAT'S 18 TRILLION DOLLARS! Do you have any idea how far this money could go towards fixing the economic crisis we are currently experiencing?! We can fix the entire world! People will hail us as heroes and sing ballads in our honor for generations to come!

You have done well contacting me. Please send further instructions as to how we should proceed as soon as you are able. We have no time to waste! Lives are at stake!

Sincerely,
Tomaž

From: Derek Mitch

To: Tomaž

Subject: Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION


Dear Friend,

First of all, I wish to thank you for your positive reply. My name is Mr. Derek and I work as Wealth and Investment Director at Royal London Asset Management, based in the United Kingdom. I wish to offer you my partnership in business; and I want to assure you that the source of this fund is absolutely legitimate and has nothing to do with laundering activities. Before going further, I would like you to tell me about yourself, including your work profile in order for me to understand the personality of the person I intend to engage in business and also to assess your capacity to handle the huge amount of funds involved in this transaction.

I am contacting you in respect of my client, Mr. Albert, a deceased customer of my bank and the funds he invested in our bank's management about 8 years ago. At this point, I would advice that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information contained in this email. I have contacted you privately and no one is aware of this communication, and my plan is to reveal certain facts that may be of vital interest to you.

At the beginning of 2004, Mr Albert came to our private banking division to discuss investment proposals with our financial experts. He informed us that he had the sum of $-US18,000,000.00, which he wanted us to invest and manage on his behalf. I was nominated by our senior executives committee to handle his case. At the early stage, I suggested many investment options in line with my duties as Chief Operations Officer of the private banking sector, as well as the amount of money involved.

We had few appointments prior to any investments being made. I did encourage him and gave useful advice on how best the funds can be invested. As a result of my recommendation, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive profit margins in first 6 months of operation, and the total profit from the investment was over $-US2Million. This profit margin would have been higher on high risk investments but he wanted low risk guaranteed returns on investments. My bank offers the choice to customers of having their bank letters sent to them or held at the bank for personal collection; this ensures that their account records cannot be traced and perhaps, most of our customers do not nominate Next of Kin until there are above 70 years of age.

Majority of our private banking clients usually leave their wills in our custody; and in this particular case, Mr. Albert died without a testate. In line with our internal processes for account holders who have died, we normally lunch a private investigation in good faith to determine who should have the right to claim the funds. However, in the case of Mr. Albert, the investigation has not been successful. We have searched every continent and used the services of our affiliate investigation agencies to get to the root of the problem. It was this investigation that resulted in the discovery of your details as a possible relative of our deceased client. My official position gives me the privilege to be the only bank officer permitted to supervise such investigation process, and also to receive the results of the investigation. I can confide in you that from the investigation results, my client died with no known or identifiable family members.

In the process of review of our financial report by my department, I discovered that both of you have a similar last name; hence I contacted you so that I can give you further briefing on my intention and how to disburse the funds and estate he left behind. While you share the same surname with our late client, I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the Bank to release the deposited funds to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the funds, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. The process is straightforward; I will simply nominate you as the next of kin with the necessary documents and have them release the deposit to you. Please remember, we share the funds equally; that is 50 percent for you and 50 percent for me.

As a banker we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily. I would want us to keep communication for now strictly by email Please and phone number I will provide you when next I hear from you. It should be noted that I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I sent you this mail with the understanding that nothing ventured is nothing gained and so, you should bear in mind that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Please do not betray my business trust for you.

Please get back to me immediately for further information.

Best regards,
Derek.

From: Tomaž

To: Derek Mitch

Subject: Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION


Dear Mr. Derek,

I apologise for my late reply.

First and foremost, I wish to express my disappointment and anguish. In the first email you sent me, the amount of money you presented me with was, and I quote: "18,000,000.00 Million (USD)”. In your second email however - the one I am currently responding to - the amount you present is, quote: "$-US18,000,000.00”.

This is primarily the reason it took me so long to respond to your email as I have been drowning in sorrow for the past couple of days, disparaged by the harsh realisation that all my dreams of fixing the world - and by extension my inevitable coronation as The Supreme Ruler of Earth on top of a mountain of corpses of leaders and aristocrats of the old world, constructed by all the grateful underprivileged people I had helped out of poverty - have been shattered into pieces.

But all right. Whatever. 9 Million USD is still a fair amount of money, so I begrudgingly accept your partnership. My wife and I have been thinking about remodelling our living room and the money would definitely come in handy.

You mention in your email that you wish to know more about me and my credentials, mainly so you can ascertain my capacity to handle the aforementioned amount of funds we have been discussing. I am happy to oblige in that request.

Let me asure you right from the start that I am no stranger to what you refer to as “huge amount[s] of funds”. For the past couple of years I have been running a stunningly successful businesses as Chairman and CEO of a major corporation. For legal reasons my lawyers have advised me not to go into specifics as to the company's activities. I am therefore unable to discuss minutiae, however I will say that we are essentially a conglomerate of what could be described as an agricultural establishment, what is technically a pharmaceutical retail operation, and a distribution enterprise. In any case, our company made over 20 Billion USD in revenue for each of the past 18 consecutive quarters. That is, by any reasonable definition, a successful business.

I believe this more than covers your stated criteria. I therefore conclude I am the most suitable candidate to be your partner in the business venture we are about to embark upon. In fact, if you think about it, the banking industry you work for has - by singlehandedly kickstarting the financial crisis in 2007 and consequently pushed a substantial amount of people into poverty - indirectly skyrocketed our business by massively expending our client base. Do you have any idea how much cash a person is willing to spend on our medicinal substances in order to forget, if only for a brief moment, that they lost their house?

Man, we should have a drink after all this. I really hope I get a chance to thank you for all you've done for me in person someday. But I digress. We are about to become business partners after all. In light of this, I eagerly await your response. How shall we proceed?

With best regards,
Tomaž

From: Derek Mitch

To: Tomaž


[No reply]

Bio
My name is Tomaž.Tolkien and 40k lore aficionado, TV show connoisseur, Apple enthusiast, and fixer of computers. Referenced1 in several2 doctoral theses. Friendly unless provoked.
1Mentioned in dedication2Two
Also, I'm Batman.
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